Vipers Academy For HSLD Operators

Vipers Academy A.K.A. Mall Ninja University.

Let me walk you through a couple of videos…

1) Shows how to stop someone within arms reach from shooting you

Good in theory, if you are dealing with some stationary halfwit slowpoke that isn’t really planning on taking your life.   Otherwise I don’t see how these would work.

2) Threat Management Center Training Tour

A real mall ninja playground.  They’re even training a mall ninjette! I’m still not entirely sure these aren’t parody videos… but moving on…

3) Flipping a gun on your attacker

More mall ninjettes at the beginning.   The dude at 0:42 looks like he wants to hit the instructor so bad when he keeps getting told his not doing it right LOL

4) Napolean Dynamite would be jealous of the mad skills displayed by these operators.   It’s just too bad they weren’t hitting some sweet jumps on their bikes while maintaining a shooting platform.  One of the best videos in the set for LOLz

If you watch the videos, it’s almost like the people in them are not “in on the joke”.   

Even their website has a real mall ninja special operator feel to it – HERE

They operate out of Detroit!  Coincidence that Robocop is from Detroit?

As always, make sure to save the vids, because the last little while I’ve had a good track record of embarrassing people/companies into removing their own vids and then none of you get to see them.

Hat tip: Jacob R & Ryan H

88 COMMENTS

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Hizenburg August 19, 2011 at 12:23 am

The four you posted are saved.

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calam August 19, 2011 at 12:32 am

Which one was on their homepage, it has been removed by the user. LAWL

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Hizenburg August 19, 2011 at 12:39 am

Not sure which one was on their homepage, I am not HSLD enough for their site to work. Wouldn’t load for me. LOL

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Hogan August 19, 2011 at 12:35 am

This can’t possibly be for real…can it? Some one is going to get killed on that “agility course” it’s like the most intense game of “the floor is lava” ever.

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Chad August 19, 2011 at 12:37 am

Lol. I’d like to see them shoot some targets while navigating the course

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calam August 19, 2011 at 12:41 am

+1 THIS

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Rob August 19, 2011 at 07:06 am

Hahaha, lava floor. That is totally what they are doing.

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DUNsho August 19, 2011 at 07:33 am

Floor Lava, hahahahah luvin it!

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Dillankid August 19, 2011 at 07:44 am

+1 on the lava floor :-)

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ENDO-Mike August 19, 2011 at 12:23 pm

ahhahaha so true

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Chad August 19, 2011 at 12:36 am

Wow this has got to be the worst firearms training center. I got a kick out of their other videos on their website. So funny. In a firefight between all these guys and the “cut you down” guys…. These fools wouldn’t stand a chance.

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Miguel August 19, 2011 at 12:54 am

The last video…..speechless. The woman was swept so many times by her partner before the first minute it was not even funny. The balancing beam was funny even though the East German judge only gave him a 6.5.

BTW Are they not allowed holsters to secure the frigging weapon?

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Chad August 19, 2011 at 01:00 am

The videos on their site are hilarious. One dude is rolling with a shotgun and shooting and then tris to transition to his sidearm, but takes likes 10minutes to unholster it from his lame cross draw vest lol

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Chad August 19, 2011 at 01:10 am

Sorry I just can’t get over this…it’s too funny. The guy giving the walk through needs to lose some weight to look more professional and stop talking with his hands so much. And the guy hitting the 4 bags isn’t even hitting them… Im sure if he got jumped by a class of 3rd graders he’d get over powered. Man this made my night. I can’t stop laughing

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Josh August 19, 2011 at 01:42 am

This is sad. I wonder who these instructors are. For some reason it just reminded me of this website I ran across a year or so ago that exposed people who were claiming to be military veterans. People who staffed it used the FOIA to obtain copies of their DD214’s and posted them on the site. There was one “security” company somewhere that had a couple of guys on staff who made false claims. The head security guy claimed to have been in a Special Forces group and done multiple tours in Vietnam. His picture on the company’s website showed him in his volunteer fire department uniform, wearing a CIB and several military ribbons (can’t wear that crap on your fireman’s uniform!). I checked out the ribbons – one of them he was sporting was only awarded at the very beginning of WW2, and only for a very brief period. His DD214 showed that he was in a non-combat MOS, and served very briefly before being discharged, as a private.

I wouldn’t be surprised if the people that staff places like this are cut from the same cloth.

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Josh August 19, 2011 at 02:07 am

If anyone’s curious, I found the link to the guy I’m talking about saved within the hundreds of bookmarks in my browser (I really need to clean that up!).

This is what used to be on the company website when it was up (it appears to be a dead link now):
http://www.pownetwork.org/phonies/phonies483.htm

Here are his actual records:
http://www.pownetwork.org/pownet.secure/todd_lawrence.pdf

The company website had a high resolution version of the picture of him, which allowed me to determine what ribbons he was wearing. I don’t remember what they all were, but after seeing the picture again, I can see that the ribbon I spoke of before is the American Defense Service Medal. It was actually for service BEFORE we entered WW2. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/American_Defense_Service_Medal. What a piece of shit this guy is, and others like him.

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That one guy August 19, 2011 at 04:36 am

Eh, it’s just proof that people are gullible and any half-decent fakery is good enough. So long as it looks, feels, and sounds right to the untrained, it’s just as good as real.

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jpcmt August 19, 2011 at 01:50 pm

Exactly this! ^^^ Put the word “tactical” in there, get a fancy “tactical” vest on, some urban camo and dang, it’s gotta be legit! Have a cocky, overbearing “expert” yell commands at you, harvest an atmosphere of respect by saying ma’am and sir in every sentence and your sold. You could be convinced that hopping on one foot while polishing your feed ramps is what those swat guys and spec ops guys are doing every day. What’s sad is, folks are paying lots of money no doubt to run around in an abandoned fire house learning the ins and outs of unsafe mall ninjahood…or is it ninja-ness?

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Joe August 19, 2011 at 02:14 am

The beams in the ninja tour facility are labeled “tactical beams”

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Joe August 19, 2011 at 02:16 am

Also, I think the narrator threw a few “Heil Hitler” by talking way to much with his hands.

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Dillankid August 19, 2011 at 07:43 am

That’s what annoyed me the most about the video – it was like Ricky Bobby not knowing what to do with his hands :-)

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ZCORR August 19, 2011 at 06:30 am

These people are hilarious to watch. The tactical training facility looked like a group of guys bought a garage, put up some “obstacles” and started playing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

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Frank August 19, 2011 at 09:51 am

Well, TMNT doesn’t totally apply here, since their name is V.I.P.E.R.S. Maybe if they were fat and green.
I assume these mall-ninjas base their training is primarily based off GI JOE: the movie (1987), and I’m sure they even based their name off Cobra (http://www.yojoe.com/action/92/ninjaviper.shtml).

I couldn’t stop laughing on my way to work thinking of these mall ninjas while thinking of Coooobrraaaaa! “a ruthless terrorist organization determined to rule the world!”*
loooooooool

+1 to everyone’s comments.

*More information on the philosophy of mall ninjas, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DN034sBeF4c

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Philip August 19, 2011 at 07:11 am
Rob August 19, 2011 at 07:20 am

I love the “Waterborne Ops” videos, http://www.threatmanagementcenter.com/WATERBORNE-OPERATIONS.html. I’m pretty sure that is a Bayliner that they painted and drove down the Detroit River. Like this one, http://www.boattrader.com/listing/1986-Bayliner-2455-Ciera-97021445.

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Brad August 20, 2011 at 03:52 am

“Waterborne Ops”…they have their own navy…

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jpr August 19, 2011 at 08:59 am

My favorite quote from the website: “BY USING TACTICAL PSYCHOLOGY, TACTICAL LAW, AND TACTICAL SKILLS, WE CREATE CONDITIONS WHICH, BY DESIGN, ARE NOT CONDUCIVE FOR VIOLENCE.”

That’s good, because I’m not sure these folks would know how to respond if they were in a situation “conducive for violence”.

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mmasse August 19, 2011 at 10:47 am

I wonder how long it took for them to print off all those certificates they hung on the walls.

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soless August 23, 2011 at 08:29 pm

Not long at all. They had half their staff on a computer….excuse me, tactical computer.

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1 With A Bullet August 19, 2011 at 11:26 am

Excuse me, I have to place a call to Hollywood pitching a show for “Takeshi’s Castle with Guns!”…

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Jusuchin (Military Otaku) August 20, 2011 at 08:28 am

Is it bad that me and probably a few others would probably want to watch this.

Is it also worse that said show might feature more firearms safety than the above vids?

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ExurbanKevin August 19, 2011 at 11:31 am

How long before some high-speed low-drag SOE training school starts to teach rocket jumps, bunny hopping and strafing?

And how to choose the right soundtrack to your gunfights. That seems pretty important as well.

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Chris August 19, 2011 at 11:51 am

I have so many things to say that they have caused a traffic jam in my head and mouth. This cannot be for real. Maybe its some fake site doing some Gorilla marketing kind of stuff for an upcoming video game or movie?

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Chris August 19, 2011 at 12:08 pm

I am wasting my life looking over their web-site and found this in the “Application Process” link.

“Applicants must send a copy of their police clearance, 3 videos of recommendation (by mms to email stating the persons name, contact phone number and their recommendation of the applicant), along with a current photo of themselves for ID, a picture of the interior and exterior of their residency, and lastly a picture of their car, along with their license plate. (Send to infralogistics@gmail.com)”

I think I’ll include my SSN and a certified copy of my Birth Certificate just in case they need it.

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Ed August 19, 2011 at 12:38 pm

What exactly is “tactical law?”

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Ski August 20, 2011 at 12:24 am

It’s like case law, but basically it says “DON’T SHOOT PEOPLE”. It probably has a bunch of other stuff that says like “remember you’re not the military or law enforcement”. And it’s got the all important “Tactical” pre-fix. Gah I’m getting so sick of that word. It’s starting to lose meaning. Why can’t we just go back to “Strategic”? That at least had an air of intelligence and forward planning about it.

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Mr Maigo August 19, 2011 at 12:52 pm

Well the Quad-Bags seem like a good idea… so there’s that

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Tam August 19, 2011 at 01:11 pm

Sweet. Zombie. Jesus.

Every time I think that I have plumbed the tactical blackest depths of MOLLE-encrusted retardation, some YouTuber goes and proves me wrong.

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Mitchell August 19, 2011 at 01:28 pm

Will they post my comment on youtube on the 2nd video?

I think of all the time I’ve wasted with Specter Tactical, Tactical Response, Massad Ayoob, de Bethencourt, Sig Academy & Training in Kali/JKD when THIS is what I should have been doing! What have I been doing training with real guns with real bullets? What was I doing training in street clothing? I should have been training with an Airsoft M-4 & Airsoft pistols in some sort of tactial uniform I don’t wear daily! I feel like such a waste right now. My confidence is gone now. I need to sign up…

We’ll see.

It’s pending approval right now…

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RRix August 19, 2011 at 02:28 pm

Well after looking at their website with the Biohazard logo being central to the logo, spells it out for us. I think this would provide operations with excellent training in dealing with those nasty “Zombie Apocalypse” scenarios.
However, those interested in survival in the real world…MOVE ALONG!

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Josh August 19, 2011 at 04:23 pm

Well after looking at their website with the Biohazard logo being central to the logo…

I’m sure that was their inspiration, but that’s not a biohazard symbol.

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RRix August 20, 2011 at 01:01 am

Look again Josh,
All that is missing is the circle. And to trademark a symbol you have to alter it. That should be a warning. Extreme caution!

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Josh August 20, 2011 at 01:20 am

If you think that the only difference is that it’s missing the inner circle, you need to have your eyes checked.

You look again, harder.

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RRix August 20, 2011 at 01:38 am

Josh,
Perhaps you should have eyes eyes examined. It was the inner circle I WAS talking about. Which is the alteration.
Are you by chance a graduate of this academy?
Please feel the love. And damned dude its Friday night… Go get laid.

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Josh August 20, 2011 at 01:44 am

Perhaps you should have eyes eyes examined. It was the inner circle I WAS talking about. Which is the alteration.

I guess tomorrow maybe I’ll have to come up with a graphic that shows the difference; I can’t believe you are so graphically challenged.

…damned dude its Friday night… Go get laid.

It’s almost 2 am Saturday morning where I am. As far as going out and getting laid, I’ve taken care of that for the night and am back home getting ready for bed. But it begs the question, if you’re chastising me because you think I should be out and not making comments, what does it say about you that you’re also commenting at this hour?

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RRix August 20, 2011 at 05:18 am

Josh,
You are right. While similar in design the logo is different.
I’ve been married for over 19 years now…That’s why I’m not getting laid. Ha,ha.
Have a good evening.

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Josh August 20, 2011 at 04:12 pm

You are right. While similar in design the logo is different.

I tried telling you… I know my eyes are good.

I’ve been married for over 19 years now…That’s why I’m not getting laid.

Yikes. 19 years; long time. That reminds me of a joke I heard Dane Cook tell on an HBO special a while back. It explains the key to longevity in a marriage. I did a search for it and found the text of it; it’s long, but worth the read:

Recently, I was walking down the street and I see this couple. They’re about 80 years old. And they stop me on the street and they say ‘Young man, will you please take a picture of my wife and myself?’. And I could just see the connection that they had. It was unlike anything that I’ve ever seen before. And, honestly, it was something that I wanted in my life. And I said ‘I would love to take your photo’. And I took the camera… Edward was the man’s name. I got to know them a little. Edward and Phyllis. And I said ‘Well listen Edward and Phyllis, I’m gonna take this photo. This is gonna be a great photo. And it was in celebration on this day — 55 years they had been together. Fifty-five. So I said ‘Hey, you two. You lovebirds. Get close’. And when I told them to get close, without any kind of obligation or feeling forced, Edward immediately put his arm around Phyllis and he pulled her in close. And she looked up at him like they were 16 years old. She was glowing looking up at Edward. I said ‘I’m gonna give you a countdown. Three, two, one and then I’m gonna take the picture, just so you can be ready’. So then I hit it, I said ‘3…2…’. And before I hit one, Edward sneaked a kiss on her cheek. And you know what I said? ‘Awwwww’. Three, two, one, he sneaked the kiss. And of course she lit up like the Fourth of July. It was wonderful. So Edward came over to get the camera and I was just inspired. I had never seen a love like that. I said ‘Edward, come here for a moment. Here’s your camera,’ I said. And I go ‘You know, fifty-five years. I can’t make a relationship last fifty-five minutes’. And I go ‘What is the key? Can you give me a little gem? Can you give me a little hint?’. And I’ll never forget, he leaned in and put his hand on my neck and pulled me in close. ‘I’ll tell ya son. You want to know the key?’. And he looked back at Phyllis, and he looked at me, and he goes: ‘Cheat, you gotta fucking cheat.’

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RRix August 21, 2011 at 12:04 am

Well done!!!!
Also why I don’t get any.
Ha, I’ve outlasted her. Now if I could just twin #2 graduate.
Sad part is…I would have been eligible for parole about now…

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That one guy August 23, 2011 at 04:55 am

Jeez Josh, you’re just an endless fountain of information. Wise like an old man O.o

That’s it. You’re now Grandpa Josh.

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Josh August 20, 2011 at 01:50 am

Tomorrow when I get a chance I’ll fire up Adobe Illustrator and demonstrate that you apparently have a problem differentiating between shapes. Did you, by chance, not notice when Pepsi changed their logo? I now the colors are the same, but can you see that there’s a difference?

http://www.brandinfection.com/2008/10/23/pepsi-logo-redesign/

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cc19 August 19, 2011 at 03:37 pm

Lol. Love the acronym ninja-isms. “V.I.P.E.R.S.” reminds me of, “S.H.I.E.L.D.” or “F.E.A.R.” etc. Clearly the name was thought up first then filled in later as an afterthought.

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032125 August 19, 2011 at 04:11 pm

“There is nothing in the world that some man cannot make a little worse and sell a little cheaper, and he who considers price only is that man’s lawful prey …John Ruskin

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Jwhite August 19, 2011 at 07:57 pm

You gotta checkout their “Agent profiles”

http://www.threatmanagementcenter.com/Agent-Profiles.html

Only thing missing is a list of GI Joes…Snake Eyes, Radar, Ace, Airborne, Airtight…LMAo

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Josh August 19, 2011 at 09:30 pm

What is that? There aren’t even any profiles on there! Same thing if you go to the “instructors” section.

http://www.threatmanagementcenter.com/Instructors.html

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Joe Mama August 20, 2011 at 01:44 pm

Hey, Rosanna Kodamma Danna works there!

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032125 August 19, 2011 at 08:03 pm

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qVgISUy7L9w

Ropelling [sic] Training! It’s got ropes!

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Josh August 19, 2011 at 09:28 pm

What the hell was that? That didn’t look like any rappel I’ve ever done or seen! And what was it, 8 feet?

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032125 August 20, 2011 at 12:38 am

No! Bad Josh! It’s ROPE-lling, because it’s got ropes. Get it right.

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Josh August 20, 2011 at 01:21 am

I think the whole thing is “repelling.”

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Bobby August 20, 2011 at 10:04 am

At least this Josh guy’s on the ball

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lobo0351 August 24, 2011 at 03:12 pm

not to defend them, but that is known as a hasty rappel. i posted a comment on their youtube video for one of the rappels so that they could do it off of a tall building cause that would be cool to watch them fall. what a lot of douche bags.

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Linoge August 19, 2011 at 08:32 pm

So do we know if any organizations / corporations actually employ these jokers, or is this nothing more than a dress-up-day-camp for adults?

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Zach August 19, 2011 at 09:38 pm

Lookie Lookie What I Found :-D – http://youtu.be/_41vMDChiZs They made it onto the local news.

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dondrey August 23, 2011 at 09:04 am

Was he really riding on the side of the HUMMER… give me a break.

also why exactly do they need a hummer to patrol the residential neighborhood. I think a civic would have worked juuuust fine.

smh

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45er August 19, 2011 at 10:07 pm

After watching the obstacle course I have a question: Don’t these people own holsters? If I need to shoot, I shoot. If I need to climb, I climb. I’m not going to play monkey-bars with a gun in my hand.

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Legacy August 19, 2011 at 11:01 pm

I really don’t know which is more sad: the fact that people make these “training” videos and academies, or the fact that there’s people actually SIGNING UP. I mean it looks like a lot of these are filled to the brim with applicants.

I’m sure somewhere out there there is an ACTUAL S.E.A.L./Ranger/Force Recon watching these and absolutely laughing their asses off.

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Ski August 20, 2011 at 12:11 am

WHY?!? I contemplated asking this question with a giant block of text repeating itself over and over. Because that’s what’s going on in my head right now. This is like everyone who ever wanted to be a cop but couldn’t pass the psych exam or review board. Also if they’re such badasses why are they only training with airsoft guns? Can’t they go to a range somewhere? If you manage to put uniforms on everyone and your logo all over the place on everything you own you can manage to buy a few AR’s and some land. Oh! Last one. Why do they stress non violence and then train to establish a shooting platform? If you’re gonna be non-violent, be non-violent, but dammit if you’re gonna be violent in the defense of your own life or that of others, don’t half ass it. That’s a great way to get yourself killed.

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Rickenbacker August 20, 2011 at 03:21 pm

Second video, at 0:45, they show walking the “tactical beam”!

This can’t possibly be real, I’d lose all my faith in humanity.

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Rickenbacker August 20, 2011 at 03:22 pm

Sorry, 6:45.

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Audacia77 August 21, 2011 at 05:31 am

I like their course descriptions.

… “Strategic Tactical Concealed Pistol License Course” … Really?

http://www.threatmanagementcenter.com/Firearms-Courses.html

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mmasse August 21, 2011 at 09:58 am

They must have a thesaurus in their office.

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ExurbanKevin August 21, 2011 at 01:13 pm

That or a refrigerator magnet poetry set.

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overkill556x45 August 21, 2011 at 10:13 am

There is no way this is real. NO WAY.

I wonder if they get sued every time one of their “students” whacks someone in the head with an ASP, despite the ASP training system stating to NEVER SWING FOR THE HEAD. (and I had ASP training when I was a cop–out of the ASP training manual from the company that makes them)

I also wonder how many of their students go on to have negligent discharges and shoot themselves or someone else.

I can’t imagine anyone with any real training going to this place. This can’t be a real thing.

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Josh August 21, 2011 at 10:15 am

I can’t imagine anyone with any real training going to this place.

Including the instructors!

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Tracer Tong August 22, 2011 at 08:19 am

Look at their “rapid fire” videos:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mogiZ2Ai1po – Notice how the guy doesn’t know that his weapon is empty and proceeds to heavily dip the muzzle as he pulls the trigger again.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qc3ekVlBS_E&feature=related – Apparently correct contact with the stock and the body isn’t taught at TACTICOOL VIPER NINJA SCHOOL.

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Chris Harper August 22, 2011 at 09:20 am

I love the idea displayed in the last video that it is better to have your gun out doing all sorts of maneuvers, possibly shooting yourself and others, rather than add 1 second to your fire time by holstering the thing!

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032125 August 22, 2011 at 02:25 pm

Having watched and re-watched a bunch of their videos, I am convinced that this is a taxpayer funded operation. I think these jokers have jumped on Detroit’s corrupt political gravy train, and that’s where they are getting the money to buy boats and Hummers and Chargers.

This may be some kind of “non-profit” or “Not for profit” community program, at least legally.

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David August 23, 2011 at 06:05 am

Thanks for lulz. I’m not going to say that obstacle courses are a bad idea, because the idea of one for training isn’t but this does look a lot like a parody its so ridiculous with the myriad of other issues including the comedic uniforms.

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soless August 23, 2011 at 08:44 pm

This has been the most intense session of tactical laughing! What a joke. There are lots of vids, but these two got me laughing real good.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M-g8ZahPkiw&feature=player_embedded

Ain’t no greater shootgunner in the world. And he has the most smoothest transition to a pistol I’ve ever seen!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QqLYtuU9quY&feature=player_embedded

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ENDO-Mike August 23, 2011 at 11:40 pm

hahaha on the 2nd video I love when he racks loads the pistol, the proceeds to sweep his hand directly in front of the barrel before it joins his other hand on the grip.

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dondrey August 24, 2011 at 12:03 am

Isn’t that the tactical way? lol

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soless August 23, 2011 at 08:50 pm

Just thought I’d update this in case any of you missed out on the tactical mall ninja in training. When will this madness end? Enjoy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3UuZ5Ao6XUI&feature=player_embedded

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dondrey August 24, 2011 at 12:05 am

Just remember the 3 S’s and you will go far in life… I have had to use the 3 point strike on 4 bullies surrounding me before. They all stood there and let me hit them in the face. They were so cooperative!

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rom huck August 24, 2011 at 03:22 am

I DONT EVEN!!!! AGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

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zbalentine August 24, 2011 at 04:32 pm

Yup, my thoughts exactly. The best part: none of it can be unseen.

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Chase Cullinan July 17, 2013 at 10:08 pm

I know this is FULL of derp. I laughed at the videos posted and sighed in disbelief. These guys are a bunch of clowns that have some hilarious methods and customs. HOWEVER, I seem to have found some good with them.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?NR=1&v=wGDDzOJ6BW4&feature=endscreen

http://www.threatmanagementcenter.com/senior-citizens.html

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Steve Bell February 24, 2016 at 09:45 am

These vids are a good laugh but painfully stupid. A man tries this kind of thing for real and he is going to die.

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