Asshat Pistol Training With Bamboo Logs And Lawn Chairs

Probably one of the funniest training videos I’ve posted to date:

As a global leader of Tactical Training, Xia Tactical offers a unique brand of training to warrior minded individuals throughout the U.S. and South America.

Uh.. how about we keep it short and sweet – “The leading training school for tactical bamboo / lawn chair operations.”

My Commentary:

  • 0:04 – Lets get started with a 7 foot bamboo log to the face.  How you like that beeOtch?  Now try to stay on target.
  • 0:07 – Disregard bamboo logs, acquire sight picture.  Someone yells “Lets go playa!”
  • 0:16 – 12 dudes, 1 mime.
  • 0:18 – Nothing like throwing a 7ft bamboo log at someones stomach in order to simulate real life.  If I never trained for such a thing I wouldn’t be half the man I am today.
  • 0:24 – Hand to hand a bamboo log then gangster shoot like no ones business.
  • 0:31 – Oh look more bamboo log deflection training.  Wtf is this? Donkey Kong?  The target charge while shooting was a nice touch.
  • 0:33 – I often find I’m engaging targets while balancing on logs, greased up slides, you name it.  Glad to see a training school catering to the problems operators face.
  • 0:39 – Ah the good old log to log walking while shooting drill.  One of the most practical drills in existence.
  • 0:41 – Dramatic point…. and hand to hand bamboo skills demonstration.
  • 0:50 – Take a knee with your bamboo log gentlemen, and point your gun at the target like you mean it.
  • 0:51 – Here take another bamboo log to the stomach and charge the target while shooting.
  • 0:58 – Getting ripped off the back of a lawn chair then returning fire.  Such a valuable skill if you go to a lot of cookouts in the hood.
  • 1:08 – Shooting from lawn chairs.  In case you catch those east side fools in your beer cooler.
  • 1:10 – Punching and cutting targets after you shot them.  Good way to make someone you killed more dead.
  • The music speeds up and it gets more retarded… but first some repetition of what I mentioned above.
  • 1:44 – Engaging targets while douchebag instructor jiggles the logs under your feet to try to make you fall.
  • 1:48 – Screw the limbo, i’m jumping over this shit.

Some more of the same stuff as above and instructors pushing students asshattery, peppered with the guys playing with moving boxes like they are cover.

I know you guys are going to have a lot to say about this.  Thoughts?

Hat tip: Mark W.

48 COMMENTS

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Vhyrus January 23, 2012 at 12:37 am

It’s good to know that if I’m ever attacked by a FUCKING TREE there are techniques developed specifically to stop it.

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overkill556x45 January 23, 2012 at 09:20 am

Between my two tours, I can’t count how many times the Taliban would mercilessly toss bamboo at us and steal our lawn chairs. The bamboo came down like rain, and there was nowhere to sit….nowhere…to…sit…

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ENDO-Mike January 28, 2012 at 12:15 am

LOL priceless.

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Pointed Sticks January 23, 2012 at 12:48 am

I dont know about you but i could find that lawnchair training useful, because if my BBQ is ever interrupted by some form of ragtag military assault i could continue cooking steaks.

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Belovedveritas January 23, 2012 at 02:11 am

This one time at my panda feed bbq- we were attacked.
This training course saved my life- though the pandas faired far worse.

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Jeep January 23, 2012 at 03:33 am

I love this guy!
I also thought that shooting from a chair, BBQ-style (1″50) was very ninja and soooo cool ! You can get rid of gangsta for sure, but most probably because they’ll laugh so loud you’ll have plenty of time to shoot’em…
I guess this course also teaches you how to deal with serious threats, like self-esteem for example.

Does he teach his *students* to shoot rap-style, in order to limit the aiming capacities and maximize the risk of a shell blocked in the slide, or do they attend this particular course because he shoots this way? That is the question…

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Weer'd Beard January 23, 2012 at 03:56 am

Overall as bizarre as many of the techniques are while there may be no direct real-world analogue it probably has a lot of validity in the “Shooting in less than Ideal situations”, like tipping over the lawn chair. Forces you to re-orient draw and fire…this will also work if you’re tripped grabbed or just start hearing shooting from behind you.

Still tripping up the guy running the shooting drill is a good way to invite a bullet up your nose. Falling is a big reason why we have Rule #3, and there’s no way your fella can engage targets AND keep his finger off the bang switch so he doesn’t ND when his feet come out from under him.

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Richard January 23, 2012 at 06:03 am

I thought the same thing. Different words, same idea.

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Jeep January 23, 2012 at 05:15 am

I agree that the concept of shooting-while-disoriented is something to be practiced, it is just that bamboo logs, lawnchairs and cardboard obstacles are so cheap…

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Richard January 23, 2012 at 06:03 am

um, um, um, speechless.

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Tyson Adams January 23, 2012 at 06:45 am

Awesome. Nothing better than keeping a guy with his finger on the trigger right next to you and then try and trip him or roll the logs out from under him.

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retro_joe January 23, 2012 at 07:26 am

Agreed. I was about to ask if they have a paramedic on standby.

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Sid January 23, 2012 at 07:44 am

During the Invasion of Carjackistan, my platoon sergeant saved our lives by flipping a cardboard box acroos a street and putting down suppressive fire at the same time. I personally recommended him for the Medal of Honor… but after several layers of review it was downgraded to an oral reprimand.

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RWC January 23, 2012 at 11:59 am

I think using a cardboard box for cover/concealment or even camouflage has been proven credible. Just look at any Metal Gear game.

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Jess Banda January 23, 2012 at 07:46 am

Falling/tripping engages a grasping reflex, while it may happen in real life while shooting on the move, it might not be best for personnel who probably only shoot on quarterly qualifications.

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John January 23, 2012 at 08:03 am

You too can feel safe playing your didgeridoo in public.

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K January 23, 2012 at 09:26 am

I love the “this guy 2 feet away is messing with me, so I’ll shoot someone else farther away” theme. Nice!

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JoeG January 30, 2012 at 07:22 pm

I’m glad I’m not the only one who picked up on that.

It’s like some weird mating experiment between live fire and force on force training.

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Cory January 23, 2012 at 09:37 am

Inspiring. I’m going to open a tactical lumberjack academy focusing on water log rolling shooting drills. Videos to come.

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Tam January 23, 2012 at 09:39 am

LOLWUT?

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Keenan January 23, 2012 at 10:07 am

Bwahahahaha and I also loved the guy shanking the target lol

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Maksim January 23, 2012 at 10:14 am

I sure am glad sweeping bystanders with your finger on the trigger of a loaded gun right after you’ve been dumped out of a cheap plastic lawn chair by a psychotic, bald, tree-wielding maniac has never *ever* produced a ND.

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RWC January 23, 2012 at 11:51 am

“Wtf is this? Donkey Kong?

Fu*king hilarious!

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Kranknstein January 24, 2012 at 02:23 am

No joke….I was having a shitty Monday till I came here and read these comments. Fucking Donkey Kong priceless!

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Maigo January 23, 2012 at 12:04 pm

Gods sake, why are they rushing the target? They’re getting all up in that papers face where it can defend its self. Maybe if they were moving to cover, but they’re not, they’re punching paper. Punches aren’t as good as bullets, it’s a true fact.

My eyes AND ears are bleeding, thanks video editor douche.

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Mike W January 23, 2012 at 01:03 pm

Where the fuck are people getting into gunfights with random falling bamboo?

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Scott January 23, 2012 at 01:09 pm

What?
I have one of those portable boxes made from “ballistic cardboard.”
The guy that sold it to me said it would stop anything up to .556 and if I taped two boxes together it would stop a “1.112” round.
I roll my boxes in front of me wherever I go.
I don’t know what you are all laughing at…

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Church January 23, 2012 at 02:12 pm

I guess this is what I get for not chekcing ENDO early enough in the day…
“This video has been removed by the user.”
What a wimp!

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ENDO-Mike January 23, 2012 at 02:16 pm

Son of a….. This site has that effect on a lot of videos. My video backup plugin doesn’t work anymore, but hopefully someone saved it and can re-post it.

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Aaron January 23, 2012 at 03:32 pm

Or you could just go to http://www.keepvid.com and download the vids manually…

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ENDO-Mike January 23, 2012 at 03:46 pm

JavaVM is so 1998. I refuse to install that bloatware, there’s got to be a better way.

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Scott January 23, 2012 at 10:41 pm

Firefox Browser with the DownloadHelper addon works pretty well. It also converts to a few different formats.

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Matt January 23, 2012 at 02:13 pm

What is this? I don’t even….

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Church January 23, 2012 at 02:17 pm

I may have found their repost…

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Church January 23, 2012 at 02:18 pm
ENDO-Mike January 23, 2012 at 02:20 pm

Awesome, thanks a lot! I updated the link.

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Gust January 23, 2012 at 03:55 pm

Actually, a few of the drills showed here are pretty goods, a FEW. like the one standed up on the bamboo logs are pretty good to keep the balance… but the rest are pretty dumb. Something like ´Rapid Reaction Drills´ would sound allot better than just dance with logs.

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Tuna Pirate January 23, 2012 at 04:42 pm

I was waiting for the guy @ 0:40 to shoot himself in the face and or leg…

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Tom January 23, 2012 at 05:44 pm

From the student’s uniform cover (hats) and seeing some of them with handcuffs on the belt, I was in suspense about which South American government was getting trained here. Wonder no more, and don’t mess with those Peruvian cops. Their training budget must be astronomical- I saw AT LEAST three of those lawn chairs in the video.

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Gust January 26, 2012 at 03:53 pm

Well dont wanna sound like a scumbag, but i live on Brazil, and i guess its the same motive of why your Americans military came to train on CIGS course of Brazilian Army, to know how to operate and survive on closed tropical forests. =P

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J January 23, 2012 at 06:33 pm

I dont blame these lumberjacks, i heard the cartels are taking over the forested areas down there too! Waiiiittt, these aren’t lumberjacks?? WTF?

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Sh1fty January 23, 2012 at 07:11 pm

Its like watching kids play with nerf guns….

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McThag January 23, 2012 at 09:28 pm

Shouldn’t that box he’s rolling for “cover” be a Weighted Companion Cube®?

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Frank January 23, 2012 at 10:48 pm

For the love of God why can’t they use simunition!?

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Vhyrus January 24, 2012 at 02:36 am

I actually think a wax round into your thigh would possibly do more damage than a fmj at that range.

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Geoff January 24, 2012 at 10:39 am

I thought the drill where they get tossed/fall out of their chair actually looked pretty useful, but other than that, it was derp-tastic. Standing on top of unstable bamboo logs while firing sounds like a good way to hurt yourself or somebody else with an ND.

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Dave January 24, 2012 at 10:39 am

How do you get grown men to participate in such staggeringly dumb “training”? Seriously.

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Audacia77 January 24, 2012 at 02:31 pm

Aren’t these secret training drills recently declassified from Ninja Force 17?

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