High Capacity Crayola Crayon Assault Bandolier

Look at this cold hearted killer… LOOK AT HER:

Crayon-Bandolier-Belted-Crayola-Ammunition

Cop the bandolier for $25 on ThinkGeek.
Crayon-Bandolier-Belted-Crayola-Ammunition-1I could only imagine the bricks that would be shit if you put this on your kid and sent them to school.  Doubling up Rambo style would probably get SWAT called in.  I’m surprised Leonard Embody doesn’t get his girlfriend pregnant and pop out a few kids just so he can start trolling the school system for legal settlements too… kids could be his little trolling slaves then breed generation after generation of future law trolls.  His Trollegacy could live on.  Really, it seems like the next logical step.  His family could make a damn good living if they picked the right battles.  Even better if some of his offspring became lawyers and did pro bono work for the troll siblings and they split the money up on the wins.

Besides the obvious firearm influences this product has backing it, it’s actually quite practical.  Crayon boxes are a B… Remember how you would try and reach for one color then jam your impatient uncoordinated fat little fingers into the tops of a few others and get wax under your nails?  That was NOT cool.  You know what else isn’t cool? White crayons… how infuriating is that color to color with!? ARGH ruined my night just reminiscing.

Thoughts?

Hat tip: SayUncle

4 COMMENTS

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bandroidx August 9, 2013 at 07:18 am

I can see the headlines now

“Child sent to school with assault ammo carrying bandolier, arrested and facing charges”

then 4 paragraphs down “the bandolier is designed to hold crayons”

Reply

Matt in FL August 9, 2013 at 04:31 pm

This is awesome, and I snorted Pepsi when I got to the Leonard Embody line. Well done, sir.

Reply

SittingDown August 9, 2013 at 04:46 pm

Kydex crayola carry case to follow.

Reply

eksnigol August 12, 2013 at 02:27 pm

I really want one of those.

Somebody contact Joerg Sprave about a crayon launcher, and for the love of god give him two of these.

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