bodyguard

VODA looking like Young Jeezy playing a pallbearer in a bad movie:

I have to respect the fact that VODA still does these videos for the sport of it.  Barely anyone is watching them, and you know he’s not making any money off them, so it’s just out of love for the game.

2:44 – I love when he gets all condescending about how theres a guy out of new york who makes custom suits for what “you would refer to as bodyguards” … but people in the business like him would call executive protection / personal protection officers.  Wow so glad I was put in my place haha.

3:10 – I knew this was going to be headed into “shadow carry” territory.  I have a couple blog posts about his earlier videos on that thing he invented (here and here), but naturally he nuked them like he does from time to time.   He goes over what it is again in this video regardless… groundbreaking stuff haha.

4:08 – Oh god… this has to be trolling… fellas… he shows that he’s shadow carrying an AR-15 magazine.  No big deal I thought… he probably carries some sort of AR.   WRONG.  He goes on to say that even though he’s not an AR person he carries it just in case he runs into someone with an AR.  Then at 4:51 he says “I don’t need to carry a bunch of things that are irrelevant to the mission at hand.”  Pure gold.

5:45 – Oh damn here goes a demo of drawing with a suit jacket on from the shadow carry method.  *golf clap*

Thoughts?

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VICE on China’s Elite Female Bodyguards:

Booming business right now in China, mainly so wealthy people can lifestyle flex that they are better than others.

VICE-Logo8:46 – Handgun disarms.  Sucks they can’t carry guns., but that’s not surprising though in China.

Those girls seem pretty cool.  Good for them for not slipping into the gender-norm roles and doing their own thing instead. As long as the outcome is income, right?

Thoughts?

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Herp de derp:

Holy that was one of the most painful videos I’ve ever had to sit through.  These “solutions” now are coming out of the woodwork so often.  I wonder if people are actually buying them?  The ballistic shield, the Minnesota shot blocker etc… I have no idea how much this Bodyguard blanket is, because their website is unsurprisingly a piece of shit.

If you feel like you want even less confidence in their product, try to make it through this test:

HE’S A DOCTOR GUYS!  Ballistic gel and armor material.

I’m torn on what to think about these things.  I couldn’t imagine having a kid and explaining to them that they might actually DIE at school if they don’t carry this fucking stupid looking blanket I bought him or her, and know how to use it properly. Additionally can you imagine being one of the only kids with a derp blanket? That’s a ticket to unlimited swirlies and wedgies. Anyone else think that “teacher” looks sus?

Bodyguard-Blanket

Thoughts?

Hat tip: Rick

28 COMMENTS

The joke is on you guys that doubted Mike Saloom had an actual bodyguard license:

This is in reference to the DERP shenanigans that we discussed in the original Tactical Bodyguard Services post a couple of days ago.

I’m marking Nov 2 on my e-calendar as a sad day in internet history, when we lost their company facebook page and all the LOLs that went with it.

Hat tip: Josh for the license

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For all jobs (big and small) if you’re located near Mongomery Alabama…

We specialize in security for clubs, bars, convenient stores, and private parties. We are also available if you need extra protection for shows, trips, dinners, or transportation. No job is too big or too small for us to handle.

(Squad pictured on left)  Honestly if this is real, I should just hang up my wireless keyboard right now because my internet quest is complete.

There are a whole load of pictures on their facebook page with hilarious comments… you need to check them out.  I’ve never seen such a high concentration of mall ninja operator DERP in one place, it’s epic.  Note the Walther G22 with the gas station holo sight is one of the main battle rifles.

Their website tacticalbodyguardservices.com is more of a placeholder page, but *shrug* looks legit.

What do you guys think?  Got a job lined up for these operators?

UPDATE: WOW… I just called the number on the website 334-694-3088 and actually got company voicemail.  So epic.

Hat tip: Ryan W.

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The “Chariots of fire” soundtrack in the first half of the video is interesting:

  • 0:47 – Walking single file with your pistol pointing at the guy in front of you.   It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that isn’t a great idea.
  • 0:57 – The so called “safety circle” means you have to hold your gun like a limp wristed douchebag and scan your head around not really noticing anything.
  • 1:04 – Team safety circle.  For those times you’re surrounded and want to bunch up into an awkward non cohesive group.
  • 1:12 – Running while field stripping your glock?  Now there’s a skill you’re bound to need in a gunfight.
  • 1:40 – Replace that gun with a loaded airsoft gun and see how many times this “disarming expert” gets shot in the face
  • 2:43 – The “real world” disarming technique roll playing begins *eye roll*
  • 3:19 – Demonstration of how carrying the Glock with no round in the chamber is the way to go.   0.3 second draw time? sure why not.. fumble with your undershirt more bro.
  • 3:50 – The ever popular IWB Mexican carry

Thoughts on this training? :P

I’d have posts for weeks if I talked about all the videos on their YouTube channel;  Most of them are absolutely ridiculous.

I wonder how many times the client gets shot rather than protected?

Hat tip: Aaron W.

22 COMMENTS