downtown

A new one from Corridor Digital:

My Unarmed In Downtown L.A. Rant:

The start of the video might be (probably is) filmed in and around Santee Alley in L.A..  When I was there a few years ago we heard it was neat so we went and checked it out.  I HATE places like that… knockoffs, cheap garbage, bartering, wall to wall people… my worst nightmare.  Not to mention the fact I went into Starbucks to get an iced coffee with plans to use the bathroom, and the lineup was too big so I decided to forgo the iced coffee and just use the bathroom and bounce.  Unsurprisingly (because were’re talking downtown L.A.) the bathroom was locked up like Fort Knox and when I asked for the key they told me I had to buy something.  The barista told me there was a free bathroom across the street inside a building, down a hall etc.. so I went on a mission to find it.  My mission takes me inside this building with more Santee Alley style crap, but mostly fabrics in this case… I take a left down the one hall she talked about.  My spidey sense is tingling because the hallway is very long poorly lit, has lots of little doors off of it… generally pretty shady looking.  One of the doors opens behind me as I walk past, I turn around and some late 20s looking gangbanger type steps out and starts eyeing me.  Instantly he’s on his blackberry typing something (texting I assume) while watching me.  I see a sign at the end of the hall that says “Bathroom –this way–> $1”.   I was incredibly uncomfortable at this point not only because I had to pee, but I also felt like I was walking into some sort of setup to get my ass kicked.  I aborted the mission, turned around walked right past gangbanger and maintained eye contact while he grinned at me, a grin as If I was about to get jumped.  After what seems like an eternity I make it back out onto the street and get the hell out of there.  Was the Starbucks barista in on some sort of setup for tourists to get robbed?  I’ll never know.

I know what your thinking; “cool story bro” haha

Anyone else ever been in a potential “situation” like that? Ever experienced Santee Alley?  Points if you’ve been to NYC Canal St., basically similar crap on a larger scale.

26 COMMENTS

kimber-1911

To the Guy Who Mugged Me Downtown (Downtown, Savannah)

I was the white guy with the black Burrberry jacket that you demanded I hand over shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend. You also asked for my girlfriend’s purse and earrings. I hope you somehow come across this message. I’d like to apologize.

I didn’t expect you to crap your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket. Truth is, I was wearing the jacket for a reason that evening, and it wasn’t that cold outside. You see, my girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber 1911 . 45 ACP pistol for Christmas, and we had just picked up a shoulder holster for it that evening. Beautiful pistol, eh? It’s a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head, isn’t it?

I know it probably wasn’t a great deal of fun walking back to wherever you’d come from with that brown sludge flopping about in your pants. I’m sure it was even worse since you also ended up leaving your shoes, cellphone, and wallet with me. I couldn’t have you calling up any of your buddies to come help you try to mug us again. I took the liberty of calling your mother, or “Momma” as you had her listed in your cell, and explaining to her your situation. I also bought myself some gas on your card. I gave your shoes to one of the homeless guys over by Vinnie Van Go Go’s, along with all of the cash in your wallet, then I threw the wallet itself in a dumpster.

I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell. They’ll be on your bill in case you’d like to know which ones. Alltel recently shut down the line, and I’ve only had the phone for a little over a day now, so I don’t know what’s going on with that. I hope they haven’t permanently cut off your service. I was about to make some threatening phone calls to the DA’s office with it. Oh well.

So, about your pants. I know that I was a little rough on you when you did this whole attempted mugging thing, so I’d like to make it up to you. I’m sure you’ve already washed your pants, so I’d like to help you out. I’d like to reimburse you for the detergent you used on the pants. What brand did you use, and was it liquid or powder? I’d also like to apologize for not killing you and instead making you walk back home humiliated. I’m hoping that you’ll reconsider your choice of path in life. Next time you might not be so lucky. If you read this message, email me and we’ll do lunch and laundry.

Peace!
– Alex

Classic…

10 COMMENTS