instructor zero

Oregon is on fire (figuratively and literally).  Instructor Zero is me:

Here’s a quick Sheepdog fan fiction I whipped up for you fellas:

The small wiener dog gasps for air as I pull his heat-exhausted limp body through the window frame of the 2008 Chevy Malibu.  The crowd in the Walmart parking lot that gathered around me cheers, yelling “Hip Hip Horayyyyy” as I put my FABARM STF-12 on safe and take a knee.  I pour cool water into my hand and bring it to the long K-9s mouth; his tongue lapping it up… life coursing back into him.  “Not today my friend… not today” I whisper as I gently pet his small head.  I hear a scuffle… people yelling… 1 woman…2 women… a whole bunch of citizens coming to my defense.  The aggressor / vehicle owner pushes their way through the crowd to confront me.  “WE WuZ JUST IN THERE FOR A MINUTE.  YOU OWE $200 FOR THAT WINDOW.” an emaciated looking woman with rotten teeth yells at me, getting all up in my face.  Still down one one knee next to her dog, I remain calm.  “Miss, it’s 108 degrees out.”  I say as I look down at the dog who is now wagging his tail and see that his ID tag reads Weenie.  “Weenie wouldn’t have lasted another 2 minutes, my work here is done.” I say.  “BuT MUH WINDOW?!” she replies earnestly.  I pet Weenie’s long body one last time, say a quick goodbye and good luck to him before getting back into my Tacoma in an adjacent parking spot.  Weenie’s owner screaming obscenities at me, and the crowd cheering in my honor; I gingerly reverse the massive SR5… navigating expertly, even with the limited visibly due to the 24″ diameter punisher head decal and full length thin blue line on the rear window.

Thoughts?  You practicing some glass breaking soon?  Gotta train like you fight.

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Make some bodies turn cold:

He’s not that far away, but I bet I’d at least get a few flyers.

While were on the topic of Instrucor Zero, I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention this video by the Funker Tactical marketing machine:

haha the transitions and the derp scans.  So good.

Thoughts? Did Zero finesse a boutique coffee shop latte at least with that skill demo? Or are we talking some swill from McDonalds he has to drink with GN heavily breathes double cheeseburger air on him?

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All his videos are now like this:

I’m guessing those blow up pads come with the purchase of 1lb of fittea.  The re-purposing as an unstable shooting platform is something he’s done in the past, but it surprises me every time.

I have no idea why this video or the X-Files background music was necessary… but here we are.  I wonder if he sells those skinny jeans on his website.  Is that knee brace made by Bravo Concealment?

Meh… I’m still missing the days where he did ridiculous shit like suffocate himself and freeze his hands before shooting. I feel like unsubscribing until he brings that type of thing back, because that’s the reason I subscribed in the first place.

Thoughts? You done with this guy’s videos now, or do they still interest you?

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Come thru. Oakleys, mullet, and Bravo Concealment on deck fam:

Just a chill 16 minutes worth of questions at some random bus station somewhere.  Seems like a smart / hard working guy.  Sure a lot of the videos he puts out now are just ridiculous and provide no real value, but they are fun to watch and poke fun at… and they serve the purpose of marketing his skills so mission accomplished on his part.

Funker Tactical didn’t ask the most important question… the one about when his “Feels like I’m wearing ZERO” tactical yoga pants are coming out. *cue the sexy flanders pic*

Thoughts?  We need more casual videos like this with some of the popular guys in the industry.

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These “drills” are getting more and more elaborate:

I wonder if he likes his denim with a small lycra percentage so he can properly hit those deep squats? 🤔 The taper is nice, he’s got a bit of stacking… I’m actually impressed. He used to wear the definition of mom jeans.

I’d be remiss if I didn’t at least make the comment “ha ha sweet distressed spartan helmet flag mashup brAh”.

Thoughts?

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“And from the heavens a light shoneth upon zero” -Proverbs 13:29

0:16 – Hit mans with the ULTRA LIGHT BEAM.

That is all.  Thoughts? LOL

P.S. – That photoshop is still among some of my finest work.  I bet instructor Zero saw it and was like “Mama mia!” and spit Italian soda (or as he calls it “soda”) all over his Stone Island pullover while simultaneously dropping his pizza slice on a Beretta.

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