rob

kimber-1911

To the Guy Who Mugged Me Downtown (Downtown, Savannah)

I was the white guy with the black Burrberry jacket that you demanded I hand over shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend. You also asked for my girlfriend’s purse and earrings. I hope you somehow come across this message. I’d like to apologize.

I didn’t expect you to crap your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket. Truth is, I was wearing the jacket for a reason that evening, and it wasn’t that cold outside. You see, my girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber 1911 . 45 ACP pistol for Christmas, and we had just picked up a shoulder holster for it that evening. Beautiful pistol, eh? It’s a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head, isn’t it?

I know it probably wasn’t a great deal of fun walking back to wherever you’d come from with that brown sludge flopping about in your pants. I’m sure it was even worse since you also ended up leaving your shoes, cellphone, and wallet with me. I couldn’t have you calling up any of your buddies to come help you try to mug us again. I took the liberty of calling your mother, or “Momma” as you had her listed in your cell, and explaining to her your situation. I also bought myself some gas on your card. I gave your shoes to one of the homeless guys over by Vinnie Van Go Go’s, along with all of the cash in your wallet, then I threw the wallet itself in a dumpster.

I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell. They’ll be on your bill in case you’d like to know which ones. Alltel recently shut down the line, and I’ve only had the phone for a little over a day now, so I don’t know what’s going on with that. I hope they haven’t permanently cut off your service. I was about to make some threatening phone calls to the DA’s office with it. Oh well.

So, about your pants. I know that I was a little rough on you when you did this whole attempted mugging thing, so I’d like to make it up to you. I’m sure you’ve already washed your pants, so I’d like to help you out. I’d like to reimburse you for the detergent you used on the pants. What brand did you use, and was it liquid or powder? I’d also like to apologize for not killing you and instead making you walk back home humiliated. I’m hoping that you’ll reconsider your choice of path in life. Next time you might not be so lucky. If you read this message, email me and we’ll do lunch and laundry.

Peace!
– Alex

Classic…

10 COMMENTS

Nashville, TN – The suspect is a white man with brown hair who is approximately six feet tall. He wore a Santa suit, including hat, fake white beard and mustache, and dark sunglasses.

Source – Nashville Police

I’m no surveillance expert, but those are some damn crisp photos.  I’m using seeing footage on “crime” shows that looks like it was taken with a camera from World War I.

Hat Tip: Walls Of The City

2 COMMENTS

It’s too bad this doesn’t have audio, I bet it would have been interesting:

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AqJKpIhn2xg[/youtube]

The cashier definitely kept his cool.  Must not have been the first time something like that happened to him.

Info from the YouTube Video:

On Dec 9th, 2009 a suspect enters a San Dimas convenient market and portraits himself as a regular customer. He purchases a couple items so that the clerk would open the cash register drawer. The suspect then removes a stainless steal semi-auto handgun from his left front pants pocket. Covertly and calmly the clerk hits their silent armed robbery alarm button.

According to a law enforcement contact there are two different versions to this story. Since we were not able to confirm either, we will not publish them. However an LASD Deputy does walk in. What she doesnt see is the customers left hand. While the suspect still holds the gun, and is only about 12 feet from the deputy, he looks right into her eyes. But instead of shooting her, he decides to slip his gun back into his pocket and casually walk out.

A police contact told me that after the customer was arrested, he stated the only reason why he didnt kill the cop, was because she was a lady. convenience

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no-one-available

Hat Tip: TheoSpark

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PawsUp

Source: Unknown

The look on both of their faces is priceless.

1 COMMENT